How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
