i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
