I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
