do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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