I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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