If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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