i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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