He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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