I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
