She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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