Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
