once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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