do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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