so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
