Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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