Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
