Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
