hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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