I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
