who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
