so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
