That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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