I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
