Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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