just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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