How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
