Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i will never coherently bang her
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
