he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
