zippers are such a cool invention
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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