can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
