Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
