Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
