I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
