eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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