I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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