mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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