Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
