I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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