Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
