i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
