I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
