dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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