I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
