Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
