A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
