Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
