I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
