He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
