i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
