I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
