He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
