I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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