how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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