the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
this is an emotional support booty call
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
