Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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