Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
