Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
