Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
