I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize