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We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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