Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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