When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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