My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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