At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
