We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
