UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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