I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
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You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize