After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
