Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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