Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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