He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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