He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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