its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
